Sunday, August 31, 2003
these wounds wont seem to heal

alas... i am still awake. go me. i thought letting go of josh would be hard.. and yeah, i realize that theres a part of me that will always miss that crazi kid... but i had a conversation with his (dont ask)... and i told him that hes happy now... and that i can let him go... just... i talked a lot. and i felt a lot better. so i am presuming we're okay with that subject. i had the house to myself tonite.. so of course i stayed up all nite... and all i needed was 1/2 a bottle of soda and 5 cups of coffee.. lol. oh, and of course cigarettes. hehe. oh well. i just got out of the shower, so im wide awake, but my stomach hurts from all that fuckin caffeine.. its like 'help me'  heh. i have to write this down so i dont forget it..  welcome to dan im Chile's  hehe... Dan was at Carolyn's talking about his hangover hes going to have today while hes at work and hes gonna say that instead of Welcome to Chile's I'm Dan.. hehe. Silly kid. oh well. I guess we have a lot of those around here dont we? I talked to Tom quite a bit tonite, which was good. My heart is still in his fist, surrounded by hatred, but full of comfort and love on the inside... that made me happy. and he promised he wouldnt leave me.. which made me happy. i love him really i do. me and Lucinda went to Taco Bell tonite... and then we went back to her house and watched the Marilyn Manson DVD.. very unique.. very wonderful. I was just sitting there staring.. it had a lot of interesting concepts in it that if you actually thought about them, they made sense. But if you just listen.. it sounds like he was on serious PCP... oh well. then she brought me home and I watched Blow and talked to Jason.. who is the most interesting person. Learned a lot about him I didnt know and we had many different topic variations.. from Nightmare Before Christmas to Insomnia.. heh.. it was crazy. but.. yeah. I confused the hell out of him, go me! I think it was b/c my ditzy side wasnt out flirting like a dumb bitch who didnt realize he was married and I was actually being 1/2ass me. Or maybe I was being jesus.. i dont know. me and Lucinda talked about a lot of different interesting things too... like hugging people.. and I realized that I dont really like hugging people... and I dont really like to be hugged.. and its hard for me to comfort people when they're sad... b/c I feel like I'm doing the wrong thing, so I stand there and look like I dont care. Which really sucks b/c I dont want people to think I dont care. *sigh* I dont know. It is 6 a.m... yay! I guess I better get going.. since I'm on such a caffeine rush, I want to clean the bathroom.. hehehe... LaTeR


Posted at 06:01 am by numb


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my philosophy of life is that i can die at any moment...

the tragedy is that i dont


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