Entry: this is me alone Monday, September 01, 2003

i went to toms last nite with bitterfly and erica.. and it was nice. i really missed tom. we smoked a bowl... and it was unique. i enjoyed it. i didnt get home until around 1... b/c bitterfly 'didnt see' the median and went right over it and we had to change her tire. it was definitely unique. but i was happi just seeing tom. i love that kid. i came home and played on the computer for a little bit. just played around. i layed down and read until about 3.. and i was kind of waiting on a call. never got the call tho.. oh well. not like i was expecting it anyway, i already knew i didnt mean anything to him anymore. ive known this since wednesday. then i kinda slept.. i woke back up at 5 and fed the dogs and the cats and layed back down.. woke up at around 6:30 or so and then finally got back to sleep at about 7... and i kept waking up like that until almost 10... then i got on the computer and no one was really online... so i went over to jenni's for a little bit.. read her downtime's shes doing with JR's character... and then chris got home.. and I went and layed down in Jenni's bed and he came in and talked to me.. lied to me... stuff like that. i just he would just tell me the truth...

I'd never lie to you
Unless I had to
I'll do what I got to
Unless I had to
I'll do what I go to
the truth is you could -s-l-i-t- my throat
And with my one last gasping breath
I'd apologize for bleeding on your shirt

*sigh* i really like that song. oh well. me and my mom are going to get new sheets and everything for my bed today.. which should be kind of fun. im hoping to get a rug for my room too... and some new stuff just to make it more of a room for me. heh. when i get my computer in my room.. its gonna be in the closet.. i think thats really funni. oh well. then when im talking to everyone online i can be like 'im back in the closet everyone.. so all you know is im straight'. heh. liz might be living with me for a while.. im gonna have to prep her on what the rules of this house are.. which means she's going to be living the soberlife for a while. oh well. she needs to anyway. *sigh* my entries in all my diaries lately have been a lot longer.. like i actually want someone to know whats going on in my life.. like they can do something about it. or care. its kind of akward the moods ive been having lately. chris had the audacity to ask me if i was still depressed. it hasnt even been a week yet and im supposed to be up and not sad anymore? yeah.. im ready to let him go.. b/c hes off now in another world where hes happiest.. but... im still gonna be sad about it. and theres so much going in its kind of retarded. i kinda unleashed it all on my friend jenni's ex-boyfriend chris harms yesterday.. i feel bad about it.. but i dunno... i got some of it out.. i just let my emotions type.. and they did.. and it got me pretty far... its stuff i havent said to anyone either... like about christo and stuff... along with me little green (and i dont mean bud..) problem... and the fact that im so sick of being everyones shoulder and i dont have a shoulder.

i just want someone
to show that they


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